Killer Giraffes, Idiot Louisiana Judges and Satire

Here is the story in today’s The (Baton Rouge) Advocate, if you can believe it.

Judge: Web site must yank story about center giraffe

A state judge ordered a Web site to pull a story about a fictional giraffe attack at Global Wildlife Center in Folsom.

District Judge Brenda Bedsole Ricks signed the temporary restraining order Tuesday and scheduled a hearing for March 15 in 21st Judicial District Court in Amite on whether to make the injunction permanent, court records show.

The case has been assigned to state District Judge Beth Wolfe.

The Web site, Hammond Action News, posted a story Feb. 25 reporting a giraffe attacked and killed a tour guide, the lawsuit said.

Here is the satire piece that spooked one of Louisiana’s guardians of Law and Order.

February 25, 2010
GIRAFFE CLAIMS THIRD VICTIM AT GLOBAL WILDLIFE

UNEEDUS, Louisiana – Veteran wildlife guide Dizzy Dimarco was encouraging visitors to hand feed giraffes when one of the 16ft-high animals reached down and grabbed her by the head.

Passengers in Global Wildlife’s viewing wagons watched horror struck as the animal repeatedly shook Dimarco before hurling her body into the upper limbs of a nearby tree.

Dimarco’s interaction with the animal had seemed friendly and encouraging to visitor Debbie Guidry of Lafouche Parish, “but then the giraffe just went crazy. Stamping and snorting, it clamped a hold to the guide’s head and just got to shaking her, ” Guidry told HAN.

The wagons quickly returned to the visitor center and mounted giraffe wranglers were sent to the scene. Dimarco was pronounced dead upon arrival at Lallie Kemp Hospital, then again at North Oaks after relatives demanded a second opinion.

Staff have been unable to identify which of the 12 giraffes was responsible for the attack, echoing a similar failure to locate the guilty animal in the two previous giraffe-related fatalities at the center.

In 2001 and 2004 guides working alone in the park failed to return and were later found dead in tree tops. Park officials hope to now identify the guilty giraffe with the help of technicians from Bedico CSI, who will be taking DNA samples from the animals in the coming weeks.

A spokesperson for Global Wildlife told HAN, ‘What we have here is what we call a ‘rouge giraffe’ situation. It’s rare, but it happens. After an incident, the animals all herd up together and it’s hard to tell which is which. Now with the help of the CSI unit we can name the guilty critter.”

Guidry’s camcorder evidence from the attack can be seen in an upcoming FPTV Channel 17 special. WHEN GOOD GIRAFFES GO BAD will premier March 12 at 10pm after re-runs of the 2001 spectacular BILL HOOD CATCHES MORE FISH.

And here is Hammond Action News, the website that originally published the satire. From the hits popping up from a google search, looks like this one is about to go viral.

And folks wonder why Louisiana is the laughingstock of the nation.

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3 Responses to “Killer Giraffes, Idiot Louisiana Judges and Satire”

  1. ACLU Weighs in on “Killer Giraffe” Flap « Lincoln Parish News Online Says:

    […] LPNO had reported on the original story last week. […]

  2. ACLU Weighs in on “Killer Giraffe” Flap « Lincoln Parish News Online Says:

    […] had reported on the original story last week. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Killer Giraffes, Idiot Louisiana Judges and […]

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Lighten up… this is just a satire. I realize you may not have a sense of humor, but if you haven’t got anything nice to say….*&%@$%&*

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